If you are in love with someone, you will likely do your best to be upfront and honest about everything to impress the person that you love and to show them who you really are. If you are only lusting after someone, your focus will be more self-centered and may even have a focus on sexual intimacy instead of relationship building.
With unhealthy goals come unhealthy behaviors. Lying, pretending to be someone your not, and exaggerating the truth are acts that may come up quickly in a lust-filled relationship which may kill the relationship at its early stages. When you're lusting after someone, you'll have little to no desire to speak with them about anything beyond shallow topics. You'll subconsciously do whatever it takes to avoid building a connection with that person. You may even know deep down that you do not want to build a connection with them.
If the interaction ends on shallow topics or even ends in the bedroom, you are likely not in love. For your feelings to be considered love, there are some characteristics that need to show through.
Here are a few that you should recognize in your relationship:. There is a noticeable difference between love and sexual attraction, but it isn't necessarily a physical attraction. This is talking about your attraction to the little things that your partner does.
For example, maybe you fall in love every time your significant other laughs or smiles. When you love someone , you want to give them the world. You want to help them reach their goals. When you love someone, you want to see them happy before yourself. Lust relationships will cause you to have more of a self-focus instead. Lust relationships rarely go beneath surface level. This is because one or both parties are unable or unwilling to share things about themselves that will lead to meaningful and long-lasting connections.
When you are in a relationship with someone else that involves love, you will have no problem speaking in-depth about yourself and trying to connect with the other person on a deeper level. There is a desire to share personal details when you are in love.
You understand that even if it feels intimidating, it adds meaning to your relationship. When you are in love, your relationship becomes more about understanding than judgment. Although there are healthy limits as to what your significant other can do before you have to pass judgment, you always try your best to see into the heart of the person that you are with. You work to recognize the good qualities in them rather than focusing on the less favorable qualities that they may have.
Your willingness to support your partner through thick and thin is a big indicator of love. For example, imagine that you have been seeing someone for a while, and they have an opportunity to take a job in another state. If you love them, you will be supportive of their opportunity, and you will make the relationship work no matter what. In a lust relationship, the long-distance would likely not feel worth the effort to you. One of the best things to do when you're unsure if a relationship's intentions are to talk to your close friends and family.
They know you best, and they will be able to tell you if they see you pursuing this person long term. If you're wanting to keep the process private, make a list. Write down everything you like about the person you are attracted to.
And that can make you behave crazy. However, things like this do not happen when you are in love. Attraction has a hidden motive unlike love. And, once that motive or desire is fulfilled, you lose interest in that person. This goes two ways I know. We are all selfish on a certain level. But a good person will try and give of their time, their money, their efforts, and energy to the people they care about.
They will do their best. When someone loves you, they love all of you. They see where you are weak, and they understand. They may not like it, but they are patient with you. They trust you. They trust in the better side of you and believe in who you are.
When they are upset with you, they talk to you about it in a calm way. Not shaming. They care more about the relationship than they do about being right. It just comes naturally. You make a choice. Let you down in a big way perhaps. You choose to be kind. You choose to be sweet to them. You may kiss them on the forehead and tell them good morning. Have breakfast with me. You put yourself aside. You give despite your hurt feelings.
It touches them, and then they will most likely feel like shit for being a brat to you and apologize and you both can go about your day loving each other. Selflessness is a precursor to love. You surprise them with little gifts that are unique to them or the two of you. They call it codependent when one person is doing all the giving. There are so many relationships like that. So that person you are dating or in a relationship with. Ask yourself. Do they really know you?
Would they have to scratch their head if someone asked them why they love you? My brother fell for his now wife quickly, but I know other couples who it took them months, and others who broke up a few times and finally settled into love. They could be afraid to be confronted with your inherit value and the responsibility of caring for your heart.
Some people also self-sabotage things out of fear. Think of it this way. The doubt stops us from truly committing. These three reasons may help explain the depressing findings of this survey. But the therapist in me refuses to leave it there.
I can't help but wonder why so many people continue to live their lives feeling so unfulfilled, when there's an alternative, a way to feel more content. A better way to live, I believe, is to stop searching outside of the self for someone who can "make" you happy.
Happiness, satisfaction, contentment — call it what you will — isn't something you'll find "out there". Instead, it's something that you'll create when you decide to work with what you already have. Of course, there will be circumstances in which you will have tried everything you can think of, and you've done so repeatedly, and still things aren't working out.
But in the vast majority of cases, a change of attitude is all that would be necessary to alleviate the great weight of dissatisfaction so many of us feel.
The key to contentment has nothing to do with what you do or don't have. It's all about what you decide to do with what is already yours. Mistaking lust for love. So one in five of us yearns for someone other than our partner. Why are we so unhappy with what we have? Not all of us are so happy together.
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